Friday, October 28, 2005

Bush vs. The Onion "#2": The Onion Fires Back

This is the ultimate nexus of my previous two
"Doctors have been unable to locate hemorrhoids, ulcers, tumors, or fissures in her anus. After 150 days, the First Lady says she just wants someone to do something."

Given the context and the target, i think this is the funniest gaddamed thing i've ever seen on all of the internets.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Craptastic Headlines

* Dallas cab driver convicted on felony charges for tainting grocery store pastries with feces. Mmmmm...extra fudge...
* Mr. Floatie withdraws from mayoral race. "Of course I'm not a real person. I'm a big piece of poop."
* "Feces examination during the spring and fall semester used to be an annual event in school." Read on.
* Rare Species: The Canadian Crap Weasel Amazing.
* School expels children's author for 'crap, poo, fart' talk "I think that my language was appropriate," Reverend Graham Taylor said. Later, he added that the complaining teachers were being "intolerant poopyheads."
* Ad Guru Quits After "Crap" Comments. "A creative director who was forced to quit his job after saying women in advertising were 'crap' has insisted he is not sexist."
* Penguin Poo Wins Ig Nobel Prize What's an Ig Nobel Prize?
* Rod Stewart and daughter in spat over dog poo. "I cannot stand it when there's poo and pee on the carpet. It drives me mad."
I think Mr. Stewart speaks for all of us.
* Meet Dr. Scoopy Poo
* Poo Bags for Beach Camels. Well, that's just common sense.

*President Bush's attorney and "public scatology" expert withdraws her nomination for Supreme Court.

*" Turd Blossom" ponders plea deal? Stay tuned, tomorrow could be Fitzmas Day.
Treason's Greetings!

Monday, October 24, 2005

Bush vs. The Onion

Freakin' rediculous.

DISCLAIMER: This website is not a commercial venture or product. This website has no affiliation with the Office of the President of the United States of America. The Office of the President of the United States of America does not endorse this website. This website does not endorse the Office of the President of the United States of America. The Office of the President of the United States of America is apparently a bunch of humorless assholes. If i disappear from the face of the Earth in the next few days, please direct all inquiries to the Office of the President of the United States of America.

Bible Study

Just like that song goes, "Don't know much about History/Don't know much Biology," i don't know much Bible-o-logy. Good thing i live in the twenty-oughts where all the information in the world is at my fingertips via the internets. With the help of this Bloggie-thingy, i am able to help enlighten my kind readers by directing them to interesting nuggets of wisdom that i find help to reduce my ingorance of subjects like the G-O-D and His writings.
i read a good chunk of the Bible when i was a senior in high school for a western civilization class. Yes, we read the Bible in public school. *gasp!* But it was used in the curriculum, a)as a work of fiction (because it is, duh!), and b)as the foundation for morality, on which most modern western civilizations were built. Plus it was California, so we were all like, "Whatever, dude!"
I enjoyed reading it becasue of the mythology and fables it contained were intriguing and fantastic enough to keep your interest, as long as you skip through all the begats and what have you's. But that's the last time i looked at a holy book of any kind, unless you count the 24-Hours a Day book that was once my late grandfather's. i find it inspirational just knowing that he opened this very copy when he felt he needed daily guidance as he struggled through tenuous periods of sobriety. i keep that book close by to remind me that sobriety is a constant battle that is easily lost, and every day i don't drink is an extra day i get to live and be with my family and friends.
To the point of this post, which, i'm afraid has gotten away from me a bit:
Helpful links for the Bible-Curious
First, check out Rev. Brendan Powell Smith's The Brick Testament.Thanks to JT for pointing me to the genius of this site a few months ago. This site shows Lego reenactments of scenes and lessons from the Bible. Perfect for the everyday ignorant infidel or as a primer for Bible beginners!

For you old schoolers out there, check out the charts of Clarence Larkin.This site that has some early 20th Century charts that illustrate some of the Bible's principles and prophecies to help heathens and holy rollers alike. Very cool. i have always been fascinated by late 19th and early 20th Century charts, drawings and wood carvings.

Although the Bible, at some point in history, has been used as justification for every evil ranging from persecution to mass murder, doesn't mean it can't be fun!


Dr. Bill Frist: Miracle Worker

Wow! Not only can senate majority leader Bill Frist (R-TN) diagnose the dying via video tape, he can also miraculously enable his "Blind Trust" to see!

This photo shows the former heart surgeon showcasing his healing powers during a stop on one of his "Dr. Bill and the Miracle Majority" tours. These engagemnets wowed thousands of knuckle-dragging mouth-breathers across the South with prayers, "miracles" (which turned out to be cheap parlor tricks), and "Ask the Doctor" sessions(AIDS can be spread through tears and sweat!).
That guy in the first row looks like he's totally getting "Fristed."