Thirty-four

...today. I don't feel any different than yesterday when i was thirty-three. Except maybe today i'm excited cuz i'm flying down to Texas to visit my favorite girlfriend of all times:

i never thought i'd say this, but i can't wait to get to Texas.

I found the home page for my old elementary school. Check it:

I checked the "History" but all they talked about was the school's history - Built in 1880, blah blah blah. No mention of past Student Council Presidents (my administration: 1982-1983), famous alumni (Phillies righty Jon Lieber), or if any of my Physical Fitness records still stood (e.g. 21 pull ups, 1983). I noticed some of the same teachers are there: Ruth Rysta, Roger Salyers, Jean Pashby, Julie Ryan. Thankfully for the kids, that mean nazi Mrs. Weitz is long gone. She had it in for me, i'm sure. She knew i was the main subversive element in the school, but she could never make many of her substantive charges stick. i got good grades and i was Student Council President (i won by one vote), i had a mandate, dammit! Jennifer Sherman, the girl i beat in the election even voted for me.
All Mrs. Weitz could do was try to nickel and dime me on technicalities and very minor rule violations. I'm sure in her mind she was positive it was i who let the air out of Mrs. Peterson's tires. Maybe it was i, maybe it was someone i had convinced it would be funny. Who knows? i had the motive: i protested Mrs. Peterson's approach to music class instruction and her "ban" on bringing The Grease Soundtrack for music appreciation time. I have since learned why she banned that record. It's filthy!
Maybe it was i who hacked into the brand new Apple IIe computer and changed Brian Arrowsmith's math scores. Okay, yeah, i got ratted out by someone i thought was loyal, and i was forced to admit to that one. Ah, misguided youthful rebellion...
Where are my old classmates from that era (besides the two that i know of who are no longer of the physical)? Where are Shad Coppock, Chad Pechacek, John Case, Jason Talcott, Shawna Benson, Danielle Bristol, Barb Paulson, Chris Skaggs? They were all very bright and talented kids who no doubt are doing well for themselves and their communities. i really would like to reconnect, or at least catch up and see how they're doing. i'll bet you a million bucks i'm the only one without a spouse and kids. i don't get up that way too often, but maybe i should try harder next time i go. i guess that's what google is for...

Operation Screw This

Recent headlines...
U.S. Troops Draw Up Own Exit Strategy BAGHDAD--..."My marines are the best-trained, best-equipped, most homesick fighting force in the world," said Staff Sgt. Cornelius Woods. "Just give us the order, and we will commandeer every available vehicle to execute a flanking maneuver on the airstrips of Mosul. By this time tomorrow, we will have retaken our positions at our families' dinner tables in full force." read on...

Voice of God Revealed To Be Cheney on Intercom WASHINGTON, DC—Telephone logs recorded by the National Security Agency and obtained by Congress as part of an ongoing investigation suggest that the vice president may have used the Oval Office intercom system to address President Bush at crucial moments, giving categorical directives in a voice the president believed to be that of God. continue...

Rove Implicated in Santa Identity Leak WASHINGTON, DC—The recent leak revealing Santa Claus to be "your mommy and daddy" has been linked to President Bush's senior political adviser and deputy chief of staff Karl Rove. onward...


Congressman Lets His Guitar Do the Talking

God bless the Onion. Be sure to check the Onion's latest Sports headlines.