Thursday, October 20, 2005

Paige Laurie returns the diploma she didn't earn

I heard about this yesterday on a local radio station. Now it's on CNN's website. I forgot that this was national news. In case you missed it on ABC's 20/20 in November of last year, see the full story, "Big Cheats on Campus." I can't believe it took almost a year for her to hand it over. What a dummy. Now how is she going to get accepted to university? How will she ever get by without a college education? Who would want to name big buildings after her now? These are things i worry about. I wonder if they had some sort of anti-commencement ceremony where that guy on a horse dressed up like the USC Trojan rides by and snatches the diploma out of the princess' slimy (but well-manicured) hands. That would be cool.
This post brought to you by the word, "schaedenfraude". Schaedenfraude does not mean, "crappy fake girl," it refers to the feelings i get when i read stories like this one about Ms. Laurie. And this one. And this one. And this one. Oh, schaedenfraude, sweet, sweet schaedenfraude! More schaedenfraude is on the horizon, me thinks. Schaedenfraude.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005


Every time i hear the name "Wilma" i can't help but thinking of Fred Flinstone pounding on the door outside his boulder house so Wilma could let him in. He got locked out by Dino, perhaps? I think it was at the end of the opening credits while the theme song played.
Anyway, hurricane Wilma gained strength over night and is now a Category 5:
"Fluctuations in intensity are likely, but Wilma is forecast to remain an extremely dangerous Category 5 hurricane through Thursday. The projected track of the storm takes it through the Yucatan Channel into the extreme southern Gulf of Mexico Friday. After that, Wilma is expected to come under the influence of westerly winds aloft blowing across the Gulf. That should hurl the hurricane toward the Florida Peninsula, probably the southern part of the peninsula, this weekend. Wilma is expected to be weakening by then, but weakening is a relative term and Wilma may still be a major hurricane (winds over 110 mph) when it makes landfall."
If Fred knew what was on the other side of that door, he would have went over to chill with Barney and Betty, i think.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Cards win! Wow.

DTS says it best: Oh my.

On disappointment:
Baseball is mean -- it'll break your fucking heart. Just as real as when your crush says she wants to be just friends -- your favorite team will fail and you won't see a way past it. It is your permanence. I like to think I've outgrown this, but I remember it so vividly. Sometimes I hope my son never falls in love with baseball so that he'll never experience this feeling.
On elation:
Pujols smashed it and I leap off the floor squealing like a schoolgirl who just found out Johnny likes her likes her. I hear our bedroom door open upstairs and know that my wife was watching. She rushes down the stairs and I hear her "oh my God, did you see, did you see?" We hug, jump up and down, express our disbelief, our great fortune.
Read on...

Monday, October 17, 2005

Monday Morning Link Dump

Troops Relax With Musical Pillow Yeah, but is it bulletproof?
School is in for future exorcists Among the required materials for the class: 16 oz. bottle of Pope’s Choice Devil-Be-Gone® Filtered Holy Water; Tiffany ® Solid Gold Crucifix; Parker Bros. Ouija Board ®.
Bush: “God would tell me, ‘George, go and end the tyrrany in Iraq,’ and I did.” Sounds like our president needs an exorcist.
More guns, less laws for everyone in Alaska!
Senator Ted Kennedy helps rescue citizens stranded by flood waters
Calling Dr. Scholl… Couple completes 4,900 mile walk.
Latest get-rich-quick scheme for the tinfoil hat crowd: Capture Big Foot, get a million dollars
Hormones, Prozac, other biosolids in US water supply No wonder I’ve been feeling vaguely content and unpregnant lately.
Man Coughs Up Screw After Operation Scalpel still missing.
Harriett Miers gets a makeover
Bush Administration using soldiers as propagandists. Sounds like something dirty commies would do.
Bush braces for hurricane Fitz-Miers