Friday, May 27, 2005

Friday God Blogging

The BushCo. holy war rolls on.
W: "This crusade, this war on terrorism is gonna take a while."
Yep. Especially when the Department of Defense does stupid stuff like approving this picture of a marine tank in Iraq:

This photo was on the DoD website for 5 days with this caption: Haditha Dam, Al Anbar, Iraq - The 'New Testament' a tank with 4th Tank Co., 1st Tank battalion attached to 3/25 prepares to lead the way during a recent mission. Photo by: Cpl. Ken Melton (date photo was taken 05/05/2005)
Below the caption it read, "This image cleared for release" It has since been scrubbed from the Marine Corps site (Thanks to AmericaBlog) so now when you follow the original link,
you get a "general error" message. That looks more like a "specific error" in judgement, if you ask me. Or maybe a "major f(_)ck up?" At least we can all take comfort that the Defense Department is finally being honest about their mission.

Uh, hold up. Here's another example of the military's "honesty":
During his Thursday press conference Pentagon spokesman Lawrence DiRita said this regarding a US servicemember who was removed for "mishandling the Quran": "And again, it involves, again, an inadvertent mishandling, but one that was deemed sufficiently -- again, with the caution that the commanders are trying to establish, that it's inadvertent, but move him to another set of duties."
But on May 17, Mr. DiRita said this: “When a specific, credible allegation of this nature were to be received, we would take it quite seriously,” he said. “But we’ve not seen specific, credible allegations.” Well OK then.
Fast forward to May 20 when DiRita said, "
We just have found no indication that as a matter of interrogation policy, the Quran was used."

Joint Task Force - Guantanamo Commander Brig. Gen. Jay W. Hood said Thursday, "First off,I'd like you to know that we have found no credible evidence that a member of the Joint Task Force at Guantanamo Bay ever flushed a Quran down the toilet. We did identify 13 incidents of alleged mishandling of the Quran by Joint Task Force Personnel."
I have some questions. Do they even have flushable toilets at GITMO? And if they do, is it possible to flush a book the size of the Quran down a toilet? I'm serious. Help.
Also note that during the press conference, they never specified what "alleged mishandling" means.
See The Raw Story post for more.

Incidentally, if you rearrange the letters in Lawrence DiRita's name you get liar enticed war or liar created win. No, i'm not clever enough to figure that out all by myself. I got some help here.

God in brief...

A Bible text found in an ancient Egyptian garbage dump indicates the Number of the Beast is 616, not 666.

Apparently, doomsday cults, apocalypse authors and countless metal bands have been dialing the wrong number.
Microsoft fires Right Wing Religious Radical Ralph Reed.

From Seattle Weekly:
When it was recently revealed that Microsoft had employed religious conservative Ralph Reed as a political consultant, it was logical to wonder if his $20,000 monthly retainer was somehow related to the company's temporary refusal to support a gay-rights bill in Olympia, which failed. Maybe the fiercely antigay crusader with the choirboy looks would be there to guide Bill Gates through a nationwide boycott of software products, as threatened by Eastside minister Ken Hutcherson.

So you may now lift your ban on MicroSoft products. Put your ancient typewriter back in the closet. You may, however, continue your ban on ex-football-playing megachurch ministering spritual bomb dropping assholes. Thank you.

Christian Group drops Disney boycott The Religious Radicals at the American Family Association have called for an end to their 9-year boycott of the Mouse. Now that Disney has severed ties with such heathens as Harvey Weinstein and Micheal Eisner, and will soon release CS Lewis' The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, they say it is now permissable for its members to go to Disneyland and see the Sights. Hooray for tolerance!

God's hand-picked Leader of the Free World misled the American people.

art by: Loisif
From Raw Story: Boston constitutional lawyer seeks Resolution of Inquiry on Iraq
The recent release of the Downing Street Memo provides new and compelling evidence that the President of the United States has been actively engaged in a conspiracy to deceive and mislead the United States Congress and the American people about the basis for going to war against Iraq.
High Crimes and Misdemeanors in the White House? Not Our Dear Leader. I'm sure whatever he did, it's not half as bad as getting a beejay.

Join me next tweak for Friday God Blogging, and enjoy the weekend.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Up is Down, Black is White, Wrong is Right.

I am so confused.

Part I:
Afghan President Hamid Karzai said of the May 12 anti-US riots that left at least 17 people dead, "Those demonstrations were, in reality, not related to the Newsweek story."
White House Spokesperson Scott McClellen denied on Monday that he ever made the link between the Newsweek article and the deaths of the 17 Afghanis. Let's go to the transcripts, shall we?
From May 16: MR. McCLELLAN: I mean, it's -- this report has had serious consequences. It has caused damage to the image of the United States abroad. It has -- people have lost their lives.
He didn't say that.
From May 17: MR. McCLELLAN: This report, which Newsweek has now retracted and said was wrong, has had serious consequences. People did lose their lives.
He didn't say that, either.
I know that it's Scotty's job to spin everything in a positive way for the Administration, and he does pretty well at repeating talking points and giving long, non-answers to simple questions, but this is rediculous.
From Monday, May 23:
Q: One other question. Karzai was quite definite in saying that he didn't believe that the violence in Afghanistan was directly tied to the Newsweek article about Koran desecration. Yet, from this podium, you have made that link. So-
MR. McCLELLAN: Actually, I don't think you're actually characterizing what was said accurately.
Q: By whom?
MR. McCLELLAN: As I said last week, and as President Karzai said today, and as General Myers had said previously, the protest may well have been pre-staged. The discredited report was damaging. It was used to incite violence. But those who espouse an ideology of hatred and oppression and murder don't need an excuse to incite violence. But the reports from the region showed how this story was used to incite violence.
Q: But Karzai seemed to think that that wasn't what led to the violence, that it was-
MR. McCLELLAN: That's right, he actually -- he talked about -- President Karzai spoke about how the demonstrations were aimed at undercutting the progress being made toward democracy in Afghanistan, and the progress on elections. They have elections coming up soon. And I spoke about that, as well, last week.
Q: So could it be said that the Newsweek article played a role, but was not --
MR. McCLELLAN: John, I think we've made our views known when it comes to the discredited report. There are some that want to continue to defend what is a discredited report that has been disavowed by Newsweek, and that's their business. We're perfectly willing to trust the American people to make their own judgment about it.
Q: Who's doing that, exactly?
MR. McCLELLAN: I'm sorry?
Q: Who wants to defend it?
MR. McCLELLAN: Well, you can see in the media coverage, there are some that want to continue to do that.

Yeah, see? He never said, "I never said that." He said, "I don't think you're actually characterizing what was said accurately," and remained ambiguous about who said "what was said." This leaves us wondering, was the reporter asking about Scotty's quote or President Karzai's? In his next sentence he paraphrases himself, Karzai, and Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, General Myers as if they all were saying the same thing, when in fact Karzai and Gen. Myers contradicted what he said on May 16 & 17. Very clever. These press briefings are contentious at times, and Scotty gets a little testy when reporters ask him to tell the truth. I wish i could see them on the TV, but i don't know if they air them all. I wish i had C-Span wired to my office so i can watch all the action. I do, however eagerly anticipate the release of the transcripts, and read them thouroughly, playing out the drama on the TV in my head.

Part II:

Sunscreen is not necessary...
Unless it helps you escape an attacker.

Part III:

More casualties in Iraq means we are winning!
From the White House, May 23:
Naive Reporter: And if I may ask you, Mr. President, as you know, the casualties of Iraq is again high today -- 50 more people dying. Do you think that insurgence is getting harder now to defeat militarily? Thank you.

PRESIDENT BUSH: No, I don't think so. I think they're being defeated. And that's why they continue to fight. The worst thing for them is to see democracy. The President [Karzai] can speak to that firsthand. The worst problem that an ideologue that uses terror to try to get their way is to see a free society emerge. And I'm confident we're making great progress in Iraq.

Oh, how reassuring! And here i was thinking things weren't going so well. Silly me.

Album of the Week: Healthy White Baby

Well, it looks like someone's been up to the devil's business. Danny Black, formerly of The Blacks, has teamed up with Laurie Stirratt, formerly of Blue Mountain, and made a Healthy White Baby. First off, The Blacks released two of my top 100 albums of all times: Dolly Horrorshow in 1998 and Just Like Home in 2000, and Blue Mountain's Dog Days also occupies a slot on my all-time greats list, so i knew i would be down with this holy hook-up. Secondly, anyone who names their band after a line in a Cohen Brothers movie kicks ass anyway.
Glen: Say that reminds me, how'd you get that kid so darn fast? Me and Dot went in to adopt on account a' somethin' went wrong with my semen, and they said we had to wait five years for a healthy white baby. I said, "Healthy white baby? Five years? What else you got?" Said they got two Koreans and a negra born with his heart on the outside. It's a crazy world.
H.I.: Someone oughta sell tickets.
Glen: Sure, I'd buy one.

I ordered the album and put it in my car stereo yesterday to the sounds of this. Yeah, that's what i'm talkin' about. More samples here. Now, go out and fetch you one right quick.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Today's the day!...It's about freakin' time.

One of my favorite TV shows of all times, NewsRadio is now available on the DVD! And like i said, it's about time. I think I still have a bunch of episodes on tape somewhere, but who wants to dig through all that crap under my bed only to find a dusty, warped, moisture-&-heat-damaged old VHS tape that prolly has episodes interrupted by football games and porn anyway? Not me. Well, surprise-o-porn is funny sometimes, but not when it messes up an episode of NewsRadio. That is why i live in the 21st Century, where all of our favorite TV shows from back in the day are available to us on the DVD and can be shipped to our mailbox in a coupla days. Yes, that is why i live in this century.
My favorite NewsRadio episode has to be Episode 57, Super Karate Monkey Death Car. That's the one where we learn that Lisa Miller (freakin' hot already!) has a criminal past (making her freakin' hotter still, in my book), Jimmy James reads his biographical book that has been translated from English to Japanese, back to English (Stephen Root is always good). Lauren Graham guests as the efficiency expert (second hottest woman on the show!), and some other stuff happens. I've only seen that episode a coupla times - maybe that's why i like it. Or maybe it's because i like saying, "super karate monkey death car" and "macho business donkey wrestler." Over to you, Bill.
"Gazziza diznoofus, it's Bill McNeal saying get with the crezappy taste of Rocketfuel Malt Liquor... Rocketfuel's got tha upstate prison flavor that keeps you ugly all night long. So when you wanna get sick, remember, nothing makes yo' feet stank like Rocketfuel Malt Liquor... DAMN! It's crezappy!!!"

I know what i'm doing this weekend - chill with my NewsRadio homies. Damn!!