Wednesday, June 29, 2005

POTUS: "We are hunt thrash the terrorists."

The Pres-o-dent spoke last night at Fort Bragg, NC in front of a captive audience of pawns in his global game of Risk. We were told that he would be "talking in a very specific way about the strategy for success in Iraq." Did he deliver? Not so much. Here's the text.
He offered no new direction, no new specifics and no clue as to when "success" will be acheived and our troops can come home. He did repeat that all the blood spilled by our soldiers is "worth it." How reassuring that must have sounded to the soldiers in attendance.
He did mention 9-11 several times - linking those attacks with our reasons for the systematic demolition of Iraq, and even quoted Osama Bin Laden!
The response in the room was eerily quiet. Was it decorum and deference, or boredom from bullshit? Who knows? Oddly, he was interupted by applause only once, but that was because someone from the White House advance team started it, and most soldiers - not all of them - dutifuly obliged for a few seconds of lazy, tepid clapping. Guess his cheerleading wasn't taking with these tough guys. Perhaps it was a moment of realization for them that, this is the guy who's sending me into harm's way? WTF??
Last night, W reminded me of some sixth grader nervously reading a plagiarized book report in front of the class. He recites all these unfamiliar words on the page (in order, even!), but he has no idea what they really mean. He seems to know that the jig will be up soon, and he's got that hopeful, you believe me, right? look on his face as he gazes at the audience between sentences. I would feel sorry for him if he weren't such an arrogant, smug little man.
Since he didn't say anything new - as we were promised - i tried a little experiment. i translated his speech to German, then back to English, hoping to find new meaning, and perhaps, some truth in his tired old words. Here are some highlights:
"I am pleased to visit away Bragg 'house of the absent-minded and special enterprises of forces....' I thank you for your service, your courage, and your victim."
On our mission:
"Our mission in the Iraq is clear. We are hunt thrash the terrorists." Oh, I thought it was to rid them of WMD. My mistake, they keep changing it.
"The only way, which our enemies can follow, is, if we forget 11 the lessons of September, if we the Iraqi people to the men such as Zarqawi abandoned and if we furnish the men like the loaded sorting drawer the future middle ones of the east. Around security sake our nation this does not happen on my clock." He's right - i don't think we should supply terrorists with these, either.
On Strategery:
"Our strategy can be summed in this way: Since the Iraqis stand above, we stand down." This will be a popular soundbite - the image it creates is priceless.
On Iraqi securty forces:
"...we embed 'Koalition Uebergang crew' internal Iraqi units. These crews exist coalition without patent officers, the phases, work on you, and fight together with thier Iraqi comrades." "The Original Uebergangsters" - i like it.
On sending more troops:
"Americans ask me the fact that, if, to accomplish the mission so important is, why not you send more troops? If our commanders for reason say, we need more troops, i send them." The problem is, the commanders know that W hates to hear bad news, so they don't feel like they can ask for more troops. "Yes" men to W likes for best.
On fighting our wives:
"America and our friends are in a conflict, which requires much of us. It requires the courage of our fighting men and wives, requires the steadfastness of our allied ones...we accept these loads, because we know, what on the play stand." A sure way to end domestic violence: send fueding families to fight in Iraq.
On Fourth of July plans:
This quarters of July, please i you, way to find, men and women to thank, who defend our liberty - by flying the marking sign, a letter sending our troops in catch or help the military family down the road. This time, if we celibrate our liberty, leave us untouched with the men and the women, who defend us all." I will definately be flying my marking sign this July 4th, so as to help the military family down the road.
On gratitude for troops:
To the soldiers in this resounds and our soldiers and wives over the ball: I thank you for your courage under fires and your service to the nation. We all thank our wives over the ball.
On enlist in the military, pleeeaase!?:
And to those this evening is watch out who a military career might regard, there not higher designating that service in our armed forces. We live in liberty, because each production produced the [patriot], which sake, to serve a cause which is as even larger." So it turns out, this speech was nothing more than a half-hour commercial. I get it now.

Inspiring words from our Dear Leader, sort of.

1 comment:

DTS said...

The translations made me laugh out loud. At times it sounded exactly like something he'd say.