What we learned today...

• Chinese therapists can cure internet addiction by applying "short, sharp shocks" to "pressure points" of the addict. Article says nothing about where they apply the shocks to those addicted to internet porn.
  
• You can die from an overdose of online video games. Player's last words: All your base are belong to us.
• Don't take your "glorified firecracker" on the plane with you.
  
• Don't shoplift at the Wal-Mart in Texas, or the vigilante employees will inflict the "Hot Pavement Treatment" upon you and you will die. Do ya think the employees who killed that guy got bonuses?
  
• You can lose weight by eating only McDonald's. Caveat: you must avoid the fries and try to live on just 1,400 calories a day. Oh, and you probably need to take a bunch of speed and diet pills, too.
• If you have a secret wife (or more), don't tell ALL of them that you are in the hospital for surgery, or you will get busted when you wake up. Except in Utah.
• You can furnish your apartment for free! Step one: go to FedExKinko's (or as i like to call it, "FeKinkodEx") and get a buttload of shipping boxes. Step two: Build furnitures. Step three: start a website, natch.
  
• Saudi singles use technology to "flirt" in public. It is very sad that they have to go to such lenghts, but if they get caught, they get beaten and sent to jail. These people are some of Bush's bestest buddies.
  
• Geeksta Rappers be droppin' some mad science, legit.
• If you are launching your "i'm running against Hillary on an anti-Hillary platform" campaign, always know where page 10 is.
• Katherine Harris has boobs and she knows how to use them. She must have taken PR lessons from Mary Carey.
• We must stay vigilant for fake news. To be safe, rely only on news sources that you know are fake: The Onion, The Daily Show, Fox News Channel, and Drudge.

The sad state of our military

"Humor in Uniform Submissions At All-Time Low", The Onion reports.

PLEASANTVILLE, NY—Reader's Digest editors reported Monday that submissions to their "Humor In Uniform" feature have fallen off sharply since 2001. "The submissions that are trickling in are just not making me laugh," said Jackie Leo, an editor at the magazine. "I'm looking for amusing send-ups of peeling potatoes on KP duty, not another vignette about a soldier waking up screaming because he accidentally shot a pregnant Iraqi woman." Leo said she almost published one soldier's story about being financially devastated by shrinking veteran benefits "just to help him out with the $300 publication fee, but it just wasn't funny enough."

Snub blogging

Who's getting snubbed?

• Wounded Iraq War veteran snubs Bush.

One day a nurse came in to ask [wounded soldier Terry] Rodgers if he wanted to meet President Bush, who was visiting the hospital. Rodgers declined.

"I don't want anything to do with him," he explains. "My belief is that his ego is getting people killed and mutilated for no reason -- just his ego and his reputation. If we really wanted to, we could pull out of Iraq. Maybe not completely but enough that we wouldn't be losing people -- at least not at this rate. So I think he himself is responsible for quite a few American deaths."

• Bush continues to snub Cindy Sheehan, whose son, Casey was killed in Iraq in June of last year. She, along with a growing number of protesters and military moms, is camped out at W's Crawford ranch demanding an audience with the Presdident. The Prez sent out a coupla minions over the weekend to speak to her, but refuses to talk to her face-to-face. Cindy is braving the heat, rain, lack of restroom facilities and possible arrest by the Secret Service. Manboy president really shows his character when faced with criticism, doesn't he? What a wimp.
  

“I plan on staying here the entire month of August or until he comes out to talk to me,” she claimed. “And don’t think he can get away. I’ve got his whole perimeter covered with mainstream media cameras maintaining interlocking fields of vision. You’re gonna see me, Mr. President. Oh, yes you will!”

• Coldplay singer Chris "Mr. Gwyneth Paltrow" Martin snubs Prime Minister Tony "i am not Bush's Bitch" Blair. Says Martin, "...I don't particularly want to be photographed with him at the moment."
  

• Tony Blair snubs former British Foreign Secretary and critic of the Iraq War, Robin Cook by not attending his funeral. Tony Blair can't face his critics, even when they're dead.
  

Snubbing seems to be the new black. Who are YOU snubbing today?

I'm back from vacation..

Man, was that fun!
Details later...

Quick links..

There is a 25 year old pregnant mother of a 7 year old missing from Philadelphia, PA. Her name is Latoyia Figueroa.
Q:Why aren't the 24 hour news networks and major metropolitan newspapers providing wall-to-wall coverage and updates every fifteen minutes?
A: She's not white.
Even the story on the CBS 3 website seems half-hearted, saying, "If you have any information, call police." No phone number was given. No special tip line, not even a number for Crime Stoppers. I believe she was last seen in the Philadelphia Police 16th District. Call 215-636-3163 if you have any info.
But thanks to All Spin Zone and The Philadelphia Citizens Crime Commission, there is now a reward fund.
Who needs to wait for Nancy Grace to get off her ass when you have thoughtful, real people to help spread the word? Help if you can.
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The Bush Administration is changing the slogan for their quixotic crusade from the "Global War on Terrorism," or GWOT, to the "Global Struggle Against Violent Extremism," or GSAVE.

Don't you feel like we're winning already?
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Ann Arbor, Michigan via The Raw Story: "Billboard Requests Divine Intervention to fix economy"

Things certainly are bad in the wolverine state. But what would Supply Side Jesus think about this?
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From the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee:
Karl Rove gets a raise!

A little extra pocket money for prison? What do you think he will he spend it on - syrup or jelly? *eeeewwww!!*
..and with that i will pass.

Some stuff i found funny....

Matt Alexander at McSweeney's tries to find humor in these times. He says,
"Although i like a good George W. Bush joke as much as the next guy, some of them seem gratuitous and mean-spirited."

Timothy McSweeny's site is full of irreverence, and thus is awesome.
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Congratulations to Sam Apple, he won the 2005 Hemispheres Magazine (the one you get for free when you fly United Airlines) Faux Faulkner competition. Yay! Wait. i've never heard of it either. Here's the story. Here is his winning entry.

"He know a lot more than folks think."
It would be funnier if it weren't so frighteningly close to the truth.
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Leo David Marquart

Introducing the newest member of the DeeceNox Posse: Leo David TiffSkeez Marquart!

Represent!
He was born at 12:20pm on my Dad's 55th birthday, July 19, 2005. He weighed in at 7.66 lbs and measured 19.9 inches. Congratulations to Skeezix and Tiffany.
Can i get a "hell yeah!"?
Li'l Leo is red-lining the awesomeometer early.
word.

Bush's SCOTUS nominee's role in the 2000 election

So this is why W picked him. John Roberts was part of the 2000 Florida Avert-the-Recount Team, or F.A.R.T. (okay, i just made that up). This was a team of legal experts brought together to advise Brother Jeb and the Florida legislator on how to forego the recount and just let Bush win Florida's 25 electoral votes. In the end, the SCOTUS ruled in W's favor, giving W the those electoral votes and ultimately, the presidency.
Can a partisan hack be an impartial jurist in the highest court of the land? i doubt it.

Black Keys in the StL

The Black Keys rocked the Pageant in St Louis Friday July 15, 2005 and i was there.

i blew my chance to meet Dan and Patrick in person when i saw them having their car fixed a coupla hours before their set. When i and my g/f approached the venue, i saw Dan and Patrick standing next to a Subaru wagon with Ohio plates while a tow truck operator was replacing a tire. i did not have my real camera with me, and i was too shy to stroll up and say, "Howdy! Sorry 'bout yer car, but do you have a second to pose for a cheesy cell phone camera pic with me and my girl here?" i don't have chutzpah like that, and i don't think they're the kinda folks who want attention to be drawn to them in that way. Maybe the next time. So in lieu of a cheesy posing pic, i present to you a coupla blurry, low light cell phone camera pics from the show.

Can't ya almost feel how rockin' they are?
While you're visiting their site and buying all their merchandise, check out this video of their song "10 a.m. Automatic" from their 2005 release Rubber Factory. It was conceived and directed by this David Cross.

Free Proctology Exams in Pamplona, Spain

Photo: Pablo Sanchez/Reuters

I guess this is what happens to "slow pokes" in the Running of the Bulls.

Scott McClellen is sweatin' to the oldies

Presidential Press Secretary Scott McClellen was finally asked some pointed questions by the White House press corps today.
As i mentioned before, i love reading the press gaggles and news breifings held by Scotty. Most of the time i am outraged by his lack of honesty and utter contempt for the intelligence of the American people, as he dispenses talking points and carefully parsed responses to a mostly acquiescent press pool.

But today was different. The WH press corps apparently grew some balls overnight and started asking some real questions about Karl Rove's role in the outing of a CIA agent. Well, it's about freakin' time. Here's some of the juicy bits from the WH transcript:

QUESTION: Do you stand by your statement from the fall of 2003, when you were asked specifically about Karl and Elliot Abrams and Scooter Libby, and you said, "I've gone to each of those gentlemen, and they have told me they are not involved in this"?

QUESTION: Do you stand by that statement?

MCCLELLAN: And if you will recall, I said that, as part of helping the investigators move forward on the investigation, we're not going to get into commenting on it. That was something I stated back near that time as well.

QUESTION: Scott, this is ridiculous. The notion that you're going to stand before us, after having commented with that level of detail, and tell people watching this that somehow you've decided not to talk.

You've got a public record out there. Do you stand by your remarks from that podium or not?

MCCLELLAN: I'm well aware, like you, of what was previously said. And I will be glad to talk about it at the appropriate time. The appropriate time is when the investigation.

QUESTION: You stood at that podium and said that Karl Rove was not involved. And now we find out that he spoke about Joseph Wilson's wife. So don't you owe the American public a fuller explanation. Was he involved or was he not? Because contrary to what you told the American people, he did indeed talk about his wife, didn't he?

MCCLELLAN: There will be a time to talk about this, but now is not the time to talk about it.

QUESTION: Do you think people will accept that, what you're saying today?

MCCLELLAN: Again, I've responded to the question.

QUESTION: You're in a bad spot here, Scott...

Yeah, he's in a bad spot. Here's video. Watch him sweat, fret and squirm. It's lovely. He got caught lying from the podium and the press is pissed at him for it.

MCCLLELAN: The prosecutors overseeing the investigation had expressed a preference to us that one way to help the investigation is not to be commenting on it from this podium....

Q: Scott, if I could point out: Contradictory to that statement, on September 29th of 2003, while the investigation was ongoing, you clearly commented on it. You were the first one to have said that if anybody from the White House was involved, they would be fired. And then, on June 10th of 2004, at Sea Island Plantation, in the midst of this investigation, when the president made his comments that, yes, he would fire anybody from the White House who was involved. So why have you commented on this during the process of the investigation in the past, but now you’ve suddenly drawn a curtain around it under the statement of, 'We’re not going to comment on an ongoing investigation'?

MCCLELLAN: Again, John, I appreciate the question. I know you want to get to the bottom of this. No one wants to get to the bottom of it more than the president of the United States. And I think the way to be most helpful is to not get into commenting on it while it is an ongoing investigation. And that’s something that the people overseeing the investigation have expressed a preference that we follow.

Billmon has a nice wrap up of past statements made by Snotty and the rest of the Rove defenders. You may compare recent statements above to what was said before here. Samples:

09/16/03:
QUESTION: Wilson now believes that the person who did this was Karl Rove . . . Did Karl Rove tell that . . .

McCLELLAN: I haven't heard that. That's just totally ridiculous. But we've already addressed this issue. If I could find out who anonymous people were, I would. I just said, it's totally ridiculous.

QUESTION: But did Karl Rove do it?

McCLELLAN: I said, it's totally ridiculous.

Not so rediculous now, in light of the fact that the White House has a vendetta against Joe Wilson, whose report was true - that Iraq never sought enriched uranium from Niger. The evidence that supported that assertion turned out to be a fogery. That assertion appeared as the infamous 16 words in The 2003 State of the Union Address, where W was drumming up support to attack Iraq. See? It's all connected. The big picture is coming into focus. These folks are dirty rotten liars.

10/07/03:
QUESTION: Scott, you have said that you, personally, went to Scooter Libby, Karl Rove and Elliot Abrams to ask them if they were the leakers . . . Why did you do that, and can you describe the conversations you had with them?

McCLELLAN: They're good individuals, they're important members of our White House team, and that's why I spoke with them, so that I could come back to you and say that they were not involved. I had no doubt of that in the beginning, but I like to check my information to make sure it's accurate before I report back to you, and that's exactly what I did.

QUESTION: So you're saying -- you're saying categorically those three individuals were not the leakers or did not authorize the leaks; is that what you're saying?

McCLELLAN: That's correct.

That's correct? Not so much.

More: Think Progress DailyKos

It's all well and good that the press is starting to pay attention to this issue (this has been going on for TWO YEARS already!) and ask questions, but it doesn't mean that Snotty will give us real honest answers. The tap dance continues.

Rep. Henry A. Waxman (D-CA) writes a letter calling for hearings on the Hill. Give 'em hell, Henry! Put them under oath and roast them slowly. Just don't slather them in batter or mayonnaise.

Quote of the day from Rep. John Conyers (D-MI):
"Remember during the 2000 Presidential campaign when the Republican mantra was that President Bush was going to 'restore honesty and dignity to the White House'? How's that going?"

Iron & Wine on the TV

I watch a lot of television. I do this because it's easier than reading books or interacting with humans other than my girlfriend. I am so "path of least resistance" that way.
Since i watch so much TV, i am exposed to a lot of commercials. And since i watch only a handful of channels, i see the same handful of commercials over and over. i also like to think that i am acutley aware of the subtleties involved in consumer coercion. i know that there are focus groups and marketing people and writers and directors who agonize over every deatil of every commercial that is beamed at me through the cathode ray tube's comforting glow. i tend to notice when a commercial has been shortened, changed, or edited in some way, and it makes me wonder why.
Sometimes, it's an obvious matter of brevity. When they hype some blockbuster flick two weeks before it comes to a theater near you, they will show you all the best parts in a 30 or 60 second spot. Then, after it reaches mass distribution, the marketers assume you know about the movie by now and give you a shorter version.
Sometimes they change the copy of the ad. By "copy," i mean: the words they say in the commercial, but i like to sound like i know what i'm talking about by using marketing jargon.
For instance, there's a sandwich ad airing right now, starring that Jared guy who lost like, 372 pounds by eating nothing but Subways (the sandwiches, not the mass transit trains).

When i first noticed the ad a coupla weeks ago, Jared told us how other fast food dumps ruin chicken by "frying it and covering it with mayonnaise." When i first heard him say that, i thought that that would be a tasty way to enjoy chicken. Mmm. Mayonnaise. Then over the weekend, i saw the commercial a few times, only now he says the other chains ruin chicken by "frying it and slathering it in batter." Okay, that sounds even better.
So i ask you, gentle reader, why did they change the copy? Does slathering it in batter sound worse than covering it with mayonnaise? Did the mayonnaise people get upset and file an anti-defamation complaint against Subway? And if so, do they think the batter people will let them get away with this? Mmm. Batter slather.

Last week, i noticed that one of my favorite artists, Sam Beam, aka Iron & Wine had a song on an M&M's commercial. I was in the bathroom at the time, doing who-knows-what with the door slightly open and i heard his soft, whispery voice sing,

They will see us waving from such great heights
"Come down now," they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away
"Come down now," but we'll stay

I heard my girlfirend give a, "Hmm!" of curiosity from the other room, and i stopped what i was doing long enough to ask, "Is that Iron & Wine on the TV?"
"It sure sounds like it," she answered. "What are you doing in there?"
"Oh, uh..nothing...um, just combing my hair."
"You don't have enough hair to comb. You don't even own a comb"
"I know, that's why it's taking so long!"
Okay, i'm getting off on a tangent here.
i saw the commercial later on, and confirmed that it was indeed Iron & Wine, and it was indeed the song, "Such Great Heights," and the commercial was indeed, very cool.

Then i saw the commercial a few times over the weekend and they had changed it. It's the same song, but they used a different part. WTF?

I am thinking it's a sign
That the freckles in our eyes
Are mirror images and
When we kiss they're perfectly aligned

So i pose to you, o kind and gentle reader of this blog: Why did they switch the lyrics for this commercial?
The name of this spot is "Kaleidoscope" and can be found here (thanks to JT for the link). It's got some trippy visuals, and the lyrics in the original spot may conjure up images of a coupla hippies too high to come down. Is this why they switched? Did they get complaints from one of those radical religious groups that the ad was too "trippy" and to tone it down? What will the hippies' response be? Oh yeah: Mmm...M&M's.

BTW, if you don't have all of Iron & Wine's albums by now, may i persuade you to click here and purchase every one of these releases? You will not be sorry, dear reader. i was lucky enough to finally catch him (with a full band) live a coupla months ago and was blown away by how freakin' awesome it was.
Other Iron & Wine links:
Our Endless Numbered Days LP (2004) reviews: E! Online. Pitchfork. Pop Matters
Woman King EP (2005) reviews: All Music Guide Splendid
Creek Drank the Cradle LP (2002) reviews: All Music Guide JunkMedia Dusted
The Sea & the Rhythm EP (2003) reviews: Prefix MusicEmisssions
Iron & Wine on "The L Word" Season 2 soundtrack? It's a crappy show, but i guess ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

The Tragic Events of 7-7

London attacked!!

Photo: Jane Mingay/AP
Two days after radical cleric Abu Hamza al-Mizri's trial begins in London, and just as the G8 summit commences in Scotland, a series of coordinated bombs blast the UK capitol.

Constantly updated blogging of the aftermath and eyewitness accounts here (thanks to AmericaBlog for link)

I guess people will be talking about this for years to come and yet it all seems strangely ethereal and distant. What strikes me is that places like Israel live like this on a day-to-day basis. It's all so random that maybe 20 out of all the thousands, possibly millions of commuters in the capital today were killed.

At least 40 killed in 4 blasts.
Transportation in London at a standstill.
"al Qaida in Europe" group claims responsibility.
Tony Blair has left the G8.
Bush plans another bike ride.
Are other G8 nations next? Next for attacks, not a bicycle ride.
Stay tuned. Watch out.
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Update: Wikipedia already has extensive info. Wow, that was fast!
All of us here at awesomeometer offer our sympathies and good wishes to our allies in the UK. You are in our thoughts.
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Karl Rove busted!(?)

This would be awesome:

Photo credit Great doctored photo, but Rove is fatter than that. I would also say that the tie selection is wrong.
Lawrence O'Donnell says Time documents will reveal that Rove leaked Plame's name to journalist Matt Cooper.
Will Rove finally be exposed as the crook he really is? We'll see in the following weeks. This will be interesting to say the least.
Articles here here and here.

Katherine Harris Betrayed by BushCo

****************Update 07/05/05************
The General writes one of his famous letters to Katherine Harris about her "magic water"
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The cannibalization of Republicans continues.
Florida Rep. Katherine Harris is pissed because the Bush administration is encouraging Florida State House Speaker Allan Bense to challenge Senator Bill Nelson (D-FL) in 2006, instead of her. I guess she thought she had a deal with BushCo. that they would support her in 2006 when they asked her to step aside for Mel Martinez (R-FL) in 2004.

You remember Katherine Harris, don't you? She was the cosmetically challenged -think Cruella DeVille - Republican Secretary of State in Florida (and more importantly, W's Florida Campaign Director) during the 2000 election sham. Here's how she helped get Chimpy into the White House:

*Before the election, a firm hired by Harris in her capacity as Secretary of State to purge convicted felons from the voter rolls erroneously removed 8,000 registered voters who had been convicted only of misdemeanors, thousands of others who had the same names as felons, and a few whose computer records said they had committed crimes in the future.
*Harris unlawfully certified the election results from 20 of Florida's 67 counties without requiring - as mandated under Florida law for elections decided by one half of one percent or less - that they conduct automatic machine recounts.
*Harris unlawfully accepted and certified the results of hand recounts in six Florida counties that produced an additional 400 votes for George W. Bush while rejecting the results of hand recounts in other counties.

She did all that for BushCo. and now she wants to cash in on an implied promise. She obviously isn't aware of how this administration operates. Just because you scratch their back, doesn't mean that they'll scratch yours. Her usefulness to Rove, Inc. has run out, so she is dumped by the wayside like a ratty old mattress on some dark, forgotten red state back road, right next to this old tire.
She must be furious. At least i hope so. i hope she's so furious that she totally turns on Chimpy and runs as an independent. The Republican votes will be split, the FL Dems will be energized, and Bill Nelson will keep his seat. i hope she's so furious that she holds a press conference and admits that her improprieties as FL SecState were as foul, shameful, and repugnant as her nasty ass face. Then i hope she bursts into tears and melts. Then her usefulness to me will have run out.