Friday, August 12, 2005

What we learned today...

  • Chinese therapists can cure internet addiction by applying "short, sharp shocks" to "pressure points" of the addict. Article says nothing about where they apply the shocks to those addicted to internet porn.
  • You can die from an overdose of online video games. Player's last words: All your base are belong to us.
  • Don't take your "glorified firecracker" on the plane with you.
  • Don't shoplift at the Wal-Mart in Texas, or the vigilante employees will inflict the "Hot Pavement Treatment" upon you and you will die. Do ya think the employees who killed that guy got bonuses?
  • You can lose weight by eating only McDonald's. Caveat: you must avoid the fries and try to live on just 1,400 calories a day. Oh, and you probably need to take a bunch of speed and diet pills, too.
  • If you have a secret wife (or more), don't tell ALL of them that you are in the hospital for surgery, or you will get busted when you wake up. Except in Utah.
  • You can furnish your apartment for free! Step one: go to FedExKinko's (or as i like to call it, "FeKinkodEx") and get a buttload of shipping boxes. Step two: Build furnitures. Step three: start a website, natch.
  • Saudi singles use technology to "flirt" in public. It is very sad that they have to go to such lenghts, but if they get caught, they get beaten and sent to jail. These people are some of Bush's bestest buddies.
  • Geeksta Rappers be droppin' some mad science, legit.
  • If you are launching your "i'm running against Hillary on an anti-Hillary platform" campaign, always know where page 10 is.
  • Katherine Harris has boobs and she knows how to use them. She must have taken PR lessons from Mary Carey.
  • We must stay vigilant for fake news. To be safe, rely only on news sources that you know are fake: The Onion, The Daily Show, Fox News Channel, and Drudge.

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