Progress in Iraq

The news out of Iraq isn't ALL bad. Granted, they can't get a constitution ratified, and 68 American troops have been killed since Dubya went on the longest presidential vacation in 36 years. Here's the good news: Soldiers play hockey. We are surely winning now.


[Photo by Max Becherer/ Polaris, for The New York Times]

See the guy with the rifle? His team won.

Danger! Danger!

Do NOT cook these burgers










with these tiki torches!!

..or you could start yourself on fire and you wouldn't be able to "stop, drop and roll" because you'd be all doubled over and fu'd up from the E. coli..
This has been a public service announcement. word.

Thou Shalt Not Kill...

Except when meting out barbaric punishment, or when a democratically elected leader does not agree with US policy. Pat Robertson, Right Wing Religious Cleric, All-Around Champion Nut Job and buddy of W said of Venezuela's Hugo Chavez: "We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability." I hope he gets smited on TV.
I saw the documentary The Revolution Will Not Be Televised a couple years ago, and i remember Colin Powell saying to an adviser during a hearing at the UN, "I don't think he [Chavez] has the US's interests at heart." No shit. The US's interest in Venezuela? Get hold of their oil - Venezuela is the 5th largest petroleum exporter in the world. How do we do that? Install a US-friendly puppet government. I'll bet the Dubya and the NeoCons are pissed at Robertson for letting the cat out of the bag.

Vacation blogging

Our vacation photos are now available on the world wide super highway web internets. Peep the Flickr.

What we learned today...

• Chinese therapists can cure internet addiction by applying "short, sharp shocks" to "pressure points" of the addict. Article says nothing about where they apply the shocks to those addicted to internet porn.
  
• You can die from an overdose of online video games. Player's last words: All your base are belong to us.
• Don't take your "glorified firecracker" on the plane with you.
  
• Don't shoplift at the Wal-Mart in Texas, or the vigilante employees will inflict the "Hot Pavement Treatment" upon you and you will die. Do ya think the employees who killed that guy got bonuses?
  
• You can lose weight by eating only McDonald's. Caveat: you must avoid the fries and try to live on just 1,400 calories a day. Oh, and you probably need to take a bunch of speed and diet pills, too.
• If you have a secret wife (or more), don't tell ALL of them that you are in the hospital for surgery, or you will get busted when you wake up. Except in Utah.
• You can furnish your apartment for free! Step one: go to FedExKinko's (or as i like to call it, "FeKinkodEx") and get a buttload of shipping boxes. Step two: Build furnitures. Step three: start a website, natch.
  
• Saudi singles use technology to "flirt" in public. It is very sad that they have to go to such lenghts, but if they get caught, they get beaten and sent to jail. These people are some of Bush's bestest buddies.
  
• Geeksta Rappers be droppin' some mad science, legit.
• If you are launching your "i'm running against Hillary on an anti-Hillary platform" campaign, always know where page 10 is.
• Katherine Harris has boobs and she knows how to use them. She must have taken PR lessons from Mary Carey.
• We must stay vigilant for fake news. To be safe, rely only on news sources that you know are fake: The Onion, The Daily Show, Fox News Channel, and Drudge.

The sad state of our military

"Humor in Uniform Submissions At All-Time Low", The Onion reports.

PLEASANTVILLE, NY—Reader's Digest editors reported Monday that submissions to their "Humor In Uniform" feature have fallen off sharply since 2001. "The submissions that are trickling in are just not making me laugh," said Jackie Leo, an editor at the magazine. "I'm looking for amusing send-ups of peeling potatoes on KP duty, not another vignette about a soldier waking up screaming because he accidentally shot a pregnant Iraqi woman." Leo said she almost published one soldier's story about being financially devastated by shrinking veteran benefits "just to help him out with the $300 publication fee, but it just wasn't funny enough."

Snub blogging

Who's getting snubbed?

• Wounded Iraq War veteran snubs Bush.

One day a nurse came in to ask [wounded soldier Terry] Rodgers if he wanted to meet President Bush, who was visiting the hospital. Rodgers declined.

"I don't want anything to do with him," he explains. "My belief is that his ego is getting people killed and mutilated for no reason -- just his ego and his reputation. If we really wanted to, we could pull out of Iraq. Maybe not completely but enough that we wouldn't be losing people -- at least not at this rate. So I think he himself is responsible for quite a few American deaths."

• Bush continues to snub Cindy Sheehan, whose son, Casey was killed in Iraq in June of last year. She, along with a growing number of protesters and military moms, is camped out at W's Crawford ranch demanding an audience with the Presdident. The Prez sent out a coupla minions over the weekend to speak to her, but refuses to talk to her face-to-face. Cindy is braving the heat, rain, lack of restroom facilities and possible arrest by the Secret Service. Manboy president really shows his character when faced with criticism, doesn't he? What a wimp.
  

“I plan on staying here the entire month of August or until he comes out to talk to me,” she claimed. “And don’t think he can get away. I’ve got his whole perimeter covered with mainstream media cameras maintaining interlocking fields of vision. You’re gonna see me, Mr. President. Oh, yes you will!”

• Coldplay singer Chris "Mr. Gwyneth Paltrow" Martin snubs Prime Minister Tony "i am not Bush's Bitch" Blair. Says Martin, "...I don't particularly want to be photographed with him at the moment."
  

• Tony Blair snubs former British Foreign Secretary and critic of the Iraq War, Robin Cook by not attending his funeral. Tony Blair can't face his critics, even when they're dead.
  

Snubbing seems to be the new black. Who are YOU snubbing today?

I'm back from vacation..

Man, was that fun!
Details later...

Quick links..

There is a 25 year old pregnant mother of a 7 year old missing from Philadelphia, PA. Her name is Latoyia Figueroa.
Q:Why aren't the 24 hour news networks and major metropolitan newspapers providing wall-to-wall coverage and updates every fifteen minutes?
A: She's not white.
Even the story on the CBS 3 website seems half-hearted, saying, "If you have any information, call police." No phone number was given. No special tip line, not even a number for Crime Stoppers. I believe she was last seen in the Philadelphia Police 16th District. Call 215-636-3163 if you have any info.
But thanks to All Spin Zone and The Philadelphia Citizens Crime Commission, there is now a reward fund.
Who needs to wait for Nancy Grace to get off her ass when you have thoughtful, real people to help spread the word? Help if you can.
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The Bush Administration is changing the slogan for their quixotic crusade from the "Global War on Terrorism," or GWOT, to the "Global Struggle Against Violent Extremism," or GSAVE.

Don't you feel like we're winning already?
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Ann Arbor, Michigan via The Raw Story: "Billboard Requests Divine Intervention to fix economy"

Things certainly are bad in the wolverine state. But what would Supply Side Jesus think about this?
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From the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee:
Karl Rove gets a raise!

A little extra pocket money for prison? What do you think he will he spend it on - syrup or jelly? *eeeewwww!!*
..and with that i will pass.

Some stuff i found funny....

Matt Alexander at McSweeney's tries to find humor in these times. He says,
"Although i like a good George W. Bush joke as much as the next guy, some of them seem gratuitous and mean-spirited."

Timothy McSweeny's site is full of irreverence, and thus is awesome.
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Congratulations to Sam Apple, he won the 2005 Hemispheres Magazine (the one you get for free when you fly United Airlines) Faux Faulkner competition. Yay! Wait. i've never heard of it either. Here's the story. Here is his winning entry.

"He know a lot more than folks think."
It would be funnier if it weren't so frighteningly close to the truth.
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Leo David Marquart

Introducing the newest member of the DeeceNox Posse: Leo David TiffSkeez Marquart!

Represent!
He was born at 12:20pm on my Dad's 55th birthday, July 19, 2005. He weighed in at 7.66 lbs and measured 19.9 inches. Congratulations to Skeezix and Tiffany.
Can i get a "hell yeah!"?
Li'l Leo is red-lining the awesomeometer early.
word.

Bush's SCOTUS nominee's role in the 2000 election

So this is why W picked him. John Roberts was part of the 2000 Florida Avert-the-Recount Team, or F.A.R.T. (okay, i just made that up). This was a team of legal experts brought together to advise Brother Jeb and the Florida legislator on how to forego the recount and just let Bush win Florida's 25 electoral votes. In the end, the SCOTUS ruled in W's favor, giving W the those electoral votes and ultimately, the presidency.
Can a partisan hack be an impartial jurist in the highest court of the land? i doubt it.

Black Keys in the StL

The Black Keys rocked the Pageant in St Louis Friday July 15, 2005 and i was there.

i blew my chance to meet Dan and Patrick in person when i saw them having their car fixed a coupla hours before their set. When i and my g/f approached the venue, i saw Dan and Patrick standing next to a Subaru wagon with Ohio plates while a tow truck operator was replacing a tire. i did not have my real camera with me, and i was too shy to stroll up and say, "Howdy! Sorry 'bout yer car, but do you have a second to pose for a cheesy cell phone camera pic with me and my girl here?" i don't have chutzpah like that, and i don't think they're the kinda folks who want attention to be drawn to them in that way. Maybe the next time. So in lieu of a cheesy posing pic, i present to you a coupla blurry, low light cell phone camera pics from the show.

Can't ya almost feel how rockin' they are?
While you're visiting their site and buying all their merchandise, check out this video of their song "10 a.m. Automatic" from their 2005 release Rubber Factory. It was conceived and directed by this David Cross.

Free Proctology Exams in Pamplona, Spain

Photo: Pablo Sanchez/Reuters

I guess this is what happens to "slow pokes" in the Running of the Bulls.

Scott McClellen is sweatin' to the oldies

Presidential Press Secretary Scott McClellen was finally asked some pointed questions by the White House press corps today.
As i mentioned before, i love reading the press gaggles and news breifings held by Scotty. Most of the time i am outraged by his lack of honesty and utter contempt for the intelligence of the American people, as he dispenses talking points and carefully parsed responses to a mostly acquiescent press pool.

But today was different. The WH press corps apparently grew some balls overnight and started asking some real questions about Karl Rove's role in the outing of a CIA agent. Well, it's about freakin' time. Here's some of the juicy bits from the WH transcript:

QUESTION: Do you stand by your statement from the fall of 2003, when you were asked specifically about Karl and Elliot Abrams and Scooter Libby, and you said, "I've gone to each of those gentlemen, and they have told me they are not involved in this"?

QUESTION: Do you stand by that statement?

MCCLELLAN: And if you will recall, I said that, as part of helping the investigators move forward on the investigation, we're not going to get into commenting on it. That was something I stated back near that time as well.

QUESTION: Scott, this is ridiculous. The notion that you're going to stand before us, after having commented with that level of detail, and tell people watching this that somehow you've decided not to talk.

You've got a public record out there. Do you stand by your remarks from that podium or not?

MCCLELLAN: I'm well aware, like you, of what was previously said. And I will be glad to talk about it at the appropriate time. The appropriate time is when the investigation.

QUESTION: You stood at that podium and said that Karl Rove was not involved. And now we find out that he spoke about Joseph Wilson's wife. So don't you owe the American public a fuller explanation. Was he involved or was he not? Because contrary to what you told the American people, he did indeed talk about his wife, didn't he?

MCCLELLAN: There will be a time to talk about this, but now is not the time to talk about it.

QUESTION: Do you think people will accept that, what you're saying today?

MCCLELLAN: Again, I've responded to the question.

QUESTION: You're in a bad spot here, Scott...

Yeah, he's in a bad spot. Here's video. Watch him sweat, fret and squirm. It's lovely. He got caught lying from the podium and the press is pissed at him for it.

MCCLLELAN: The prosecutors overseeing the investigation had expressed a preference to us that one way to help the investigation is not to be commenting on it from this podium....

Q: Scott, if I could point out: Contradictory to that statement, on September 29th of 2003, while the investigation was ongoing, you clearly commented on it. You were the first one to have said that if anybody from the White House was involved, they would be fired. And then, on June 10th of 2004, at Sea Island Plantation, in the midst of this investigation, when the president made his comments that, yes, he would fire anybody from the White House who was involved. So why have you commented on this during the process of the investigation in the past, but now you’ve suddenly drawn a curtain around it under the statement of, 'We’re not going to comment on an ongoing investigation'?

MCCLELLAN: Again, John, I appreciate the question. I know you want to get to the bottom of this. No one wants to get to the bottom of it more than the president of the United States. And I think the way to be most helpful is to not get into commenting on it while it is an ongoing investigation. And that’s something that the people overseeing the investigation have expressed a preference that we follow.

Billmon has a nice wrap up of past statements made by Snotty and the rest of the Rove defenders. You may compare recent statements above to what was said before here. Samples:

09/16/03:
QUESTION: Wilson now believes that the person who did this was Karl Rove . . . Did Karl Rove tell that . . .

McCLELLAN: I haven't heard that. That's just totally ridiculous. But we've already addressed this issue. If I could find out who anonymous people were, I would. I just said, it's totally ridiculous.

QUESTION: But did Karl Rove do it?

McCLELLAN: I said, it's totally ridiculous.

Not so rediculous now, in light of the fact that the White House has a vendetta against Joe Wilson, whose report was true - that Iraq never sought enriched uranium from Niger. The evidence that supported that assertion turned out to be a fogery. That assertion appeared as the infamous 16 words in The 2003 State of the Union Address, where W was drumming up support to attack Iraq. See? It's all connected. The big picture is coming into focus. These folks are dirty rotten liars.

10/07/03:
QUESTION: Scott, you have said that you, personally, went to Scooter Libby, Karl Rove and Elliot Abrams to ask them if they were the leakers . . . Why did you do that, and can you describe the conversations you had with them?

McCLELLAN: They're good individuals, they're important members of our White House team, and that's why I spoke with them, so that I could come back to you and say that they were not involved. I had no doubt of that in the beginning, but I like to check my information to make sure it's accurate before I report back to you, and that's exactly what I did.

QUESTION: So you're saying -- you're saying categorically those three individuals were not the leakers or did not authorize the leaks; is that what you're saying?

McCLELLAN: That's correct.

That's correct? Not so much.

More: Think Progress DailyKos

It's all well and good that the press is starting to pay attention to this issue (this has been going on for TWO YEARS already!) and ask questions, but it doesn't mean that Snotty will give us real honest answers. The tap dance continues.

Rep. Henry A. Waxman (D-CA) writes a letter calling for hearings on the Hill. Give 'em hell, Henry! Put them under oath and roast them slowly. Just don't slather them in batter or mayonnaise.

Quote of the day from Rep. John Conyers (D-MI):
"Remember during the 2000 Presidential campaign when the Republican mantra was that President Bush was going to 'restore honesty and dignity to the White House'? How's that going?"