Friday, December 23, 2005

Operation Screw This

Recent headlines...
U.S. Troops Draw Up Own Exit Strategy BAGHDAD--..."My marines are the best-trained, best-equipped, most homesick fighting force in the world," said Staff Sgt. Cornelius Woods. "Just give us the order, and we will commandeer every available vehicle to execute a flanking maneuver on the airstrips of Mosul. By this time tomorrow, we will have retaken our positions at our families' dinner tables in full force." read on...

Voice of God Revealed To Be Cheney on Intercom WASHINGTON, DC—Telephone logs recorded by the National Security Agency and obtained by Congress as part of an ongoing investigation suggest that the vice president may have used the Oval Office intercom system to address President Bush at crucial moments, giving categorical directives in a voice the president believed to be that of God. continue...

Rove Implicated in Santa Identity Leak WASHINGTON, DC—The recent leak revealing Santa Claus to be "your mommy and daddy" has been linked to President Bush's senior political adviser and deputy chief of staff Karl Rove. onward...


Congressman Lets His Guitar Do the Talking

God bless the Onion. Be sure to check the Onion's latest Sports headlines.

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